Category Archives: creativity does not consolidate

Newspapers? I Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Newspapers!

Without belaboring my age and tactilian proclivities for reading materials, compound sentences and compaction of thought, and casting aside my ignorance of the newspaper business and the writing style required to fit the form, which should altogether make a foray into television journalism a tilting at wind farms, let me proceed to follow the tradition trail of learned ignorance expounded expertly into bamboozlment of the learned and unlearned by the foregoing media’s punditry, if for no other reason than this is my blog, but with due consideration of the time honored beard pulling hmming and hahing allotted to people of my years by less learned youngsters, and of course the necessity of writing for the ages if this missive should fail to find favor with my contemporaries.

I must confess my preference for the blogs, which allows most of us to reach no one, but at our own pace, and gives the writer a latitude missing in other forms of scribbling witticisms such as may be found in porta potties and on the sides of rail cars. One must makes civilization where one find one’s self.

One of the major drawbacks of the newspaper is what to do with it after you’re done with it. Used papers multiply like rabbits and become a logistical nightmare unless you happen to have the trash bin at the front of the house, or live in an enlightened community that recycles rubbish when it leaves the abstraction for the concrete. Americans are above all of that, probably for patriotic reasons that they cannot articulate, not having read them in a newspaper or heard them on TV.

I am persuaded that most online papers are edited and published by people that are clueless about the ethernets, (good one Norm!,) and so every effort to squeeze some revenue is usually about as productive and pleasant for the reader as a fourteen year old boy inside his first blouse is to fourteen year old girls.

To some extent I think that the blogs have a personality which is missing from traditional media outlets.

In order to gracefully kill this post I would suggest papers find out what it is that people don’t like about their online efforts, not what they like.

If Everyone Was Centrist There Would Be No Coining Of The Term

“Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly, and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.Neither be cynical about love – for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment is it perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you from misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labours and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.” — Max Ehrmann (Desiderata: A Poem for a Way of Life) “You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.”

And whether you can hear it or not, the whole universe is laughing at you behind your back.

You are a fluke of the universe. You have no right to be here.
Deteriorata. Deteriorata.

Go placidly amid the noise and waste,
And remember what comfort there may be in owning a piece thereof.
Avoid quiet and passive persons, unless you are in need of sleep.
Rotate your tires.
Speak glowingly of those greater than yourself,
And heed well their advice, even though they be turkeys.
Know what to kiss, and when.
Consider that two wrongs never make a right, but that three do.
Wherever possible, put people on hold.
Be comforted that in the face of all aridity and disillusionment,
and despite the changing fortunes of time,
There is always a big future in computer maintenance.

Remember The Pueblo.
Strive at all times to bend, fold, spindle, and mutilate.
Know yourself. If you need help, call the FBI.
Exercise caution in your daily affairs,
Especially with those persons closest to you –
That lemon on your left, for instance.
Be assured that a walk through the ocean of most souls
Would scarcely get your feet wet.
Fall not in love therefore. It will stick to your face.
Gracefully surrender the things of youth: birds, clean air, tuna, Taiwan.
And let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
Hire people with hooks.
For a good time, call 606-4311. Ask for Ken.
Take heart in the bedeepening gloom
That your dog is finally getting enough cheese.
And reflect that whatever fortune may be your lot,
It could only be worse in Milwaukee.

You are a fluke of the universe.
You have no right to be here.
And whether you can hear it or not,
The universe is laughing behind your back.

Therefore, make peace with your god,
Whatever you perceive him to be – hairy thunderer, or cosmic muffin.
With all its hopes, dreams, promises, and urban renewal,
The world continues to deteriorate.
Give up!

National Lampoon